Why am I doing this? No one is reading them. Quite simply that, I enjoy writing them, I also enjoy people coming up to me and saying they read my latest entry. In the past couple of weeks, that hasn’t happened been happening. It’s not use me writing something, or spending my time when no one is going to appreciate what I do. Sure, that sounds incredibly egotistical, but it’s true. I don’t write these for the sake of me anymore, I write them because I think people like them. I can see page numbers dwindling, I know that there aren’t as many people reading it, so I honestly don’t see the point of writing them and posting them for everyone to see. I’ll probably still write things and put them somewhere, you just have to ask me. I think it’s just that I need reassurance before I know for sure about something. I need to know that people want to actually read them, more importantly, I want to know something about what I’ve written. Comments, feedback, little things about what I said. It’s how I continue on and not continue to focus on one thing. If I know that someone says something about what I’ve written, then I can move along and get over it. But if I don’t get anything back like that, I think that I’ve either done a shitty job, the reader doesn’t like what I’ve written, or just didn’t think what I did was right. I really don’t give two shits whether it’s going to hurt me, I generally learn from my mistakes.

I’m sick of being who I am. I don’t like who I am anymore. I don’t like the way I’m cautious about things, the fact that I’m self conscious about everything and anything I do or say. I don’t like how I’m not willing to just give up and move on from something if I don’t like the outcome. I absolutely hate my curiosity. I think I just want to be the opposite to what I am now. Because I know, if I was, I wouldn’t be in this state of mind.

Honestly, I don’t know what else to say. I can wait for a response. I could probably be convinced otherwise of what I’m about to do. I’ll just wait.