Glass Ambience

Scared

Monday, May 29th, 2006

So fuck. I’ve managed to fuck up my first semester of uni. It was fine and dandy until I realised that I had absolutely no idea what any of the lecturers were going on about. I’ve only ever done physics once in my life and I was kind of bored of that, and essentially two of my classes focus on things that you should know through physics classes. After a couple weeks of going to the lectures and trying to read up on the stuff that I should know before hand, I eventually got bored of going there. Not that it wasn’t interesting, it was that I had no idea what the fuck the guy was going on about. I had no idea what a vector magnitudinal strut was and how the amount of force it would take to load up a weighing machine of structural doritos. I seriously just got sick of going to class. I had no energy or motivation to go. So essentially, I just wasted $800 and pissed it down the drain. At first I was hoping that I’d be able to get away with not going to the lectures and staying home and just doing the assignments and the final test. Well, I just doubled checked something last night and wouldn’t you fuckin’ know it. I’m a week behind in my thoughts. Instead of me having a week left to do my assignments, I have 0 days. Yeah, fuck. So now, I’ve failed every class, every piece of things I hadn’t handed in because I wasn’t interested in the subject.

I’m now confused as to what I want to be doing with my life. I mean, at first I thought I’d try engineering out, but after finding out that because I missed out on key subjects in high school (fucking dripstone) I was fucked either way. After having that conversation with my parents the other night, I had no idea what I’m going to do. I’ve been essentially lying to my parents this whole time about liking uni and the subjects I’m doing and that I’m fine with the assignments. But in reality, I’ve barely been turning up for the classes. Maybe I should have taken a year off before I went to uni. Maybe I should be doing something else? Fuck. I dunno. I wish I had of known this earlier. This was what I thought last night around 1:30 when I looked at my results: I’m going to have to tell mum and dad that I’ve wasted their money and that I’m a complete fuck up. Then I was going to say that I’m leaving for a couple of weeks and just drive somewhere. I had planned to tell mum in the morning, ring up work and say there’s been something terribly wrong happen and that I wasn’t going to be in for a while. Pack up all of my clothes, say goodbye to different people, possibly my computers and then drive. I dunno where I’d go, possibly to every capital city or something like that.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck. I am such a lazy cunt. Anyway, I’m still going to do that, I just have to find the right time to tell mum. Fucked if I know whether I’d end up back here, chances are I would. It all depends on whether I’ve found somewhere to live or someway to support myself. I dunno. If anyone is up for just a drive around australia in the next possibly week. Come and find me.

Edit: On a side note, I’ve apparently pissed off my regular readers and commentors. Brilliant work I’ve done!

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